i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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