This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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