Christians are straight up FREAKS
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
