I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
