I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
