Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
