capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
