I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
