Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
only if we run a train.
done.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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