Pappa wants mamma naked
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
