the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
