If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
