He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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