I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
