remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
