I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
