what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
