so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
