Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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