I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
