it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
