Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
