under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
