I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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