He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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