Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
