Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
