I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
