Having a random hookup so left but love u
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
