Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
