Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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