I am midnight drunk by noon
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
