i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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