Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
