I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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