ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
