If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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