If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
