i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
