The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
