so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize