distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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