I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize