Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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