stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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