32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dicks are not precious.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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