"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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