Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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