the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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