Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I understand Curling. That high.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
