my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
