Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I love you.
Bad choice
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