her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The ass gains better be worth it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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