meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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