I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
two words...techno handjob
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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