I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
