I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
