Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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