He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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