Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
