If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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