My cat gives me a boner
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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