Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
