Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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